It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
