Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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