Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
