Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
