Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Randomize
