Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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