I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You left your underwear on the fireplace
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize