I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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