Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
