And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
