So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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