So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We left an ass print on the piano.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Randomize