i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
How naked do you want me to be?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
