Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
