So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize