How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
