That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
