so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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