you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
