I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
