Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
We need to rekindle our bromance
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
