Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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