He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
