i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
