I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
