There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
