i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She even gives head with a lisp.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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