Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We're too hungover to prance.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
