you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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