I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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