I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
