Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
