i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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