I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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