you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my phone needs a breathalizer
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
