I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
