So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
