he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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