There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
