I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
