someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
