So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
