Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
