The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
