His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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