what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
