Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
