I am in a vortex of obligation.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
