You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Come share oat with me in your robe
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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