Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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