I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
