Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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