Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
