i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
