i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
