I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
