He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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