If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
