Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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