He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Your topless pictures make me question reality
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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