TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
