If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
