I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
