too bad you live with your parents still
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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