Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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