Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
