our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize