Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
